I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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