real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
