hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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