Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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