my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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