So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
