Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
