My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
