I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
