This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
