im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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