have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
