ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
