i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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