I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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