Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
