Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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