Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
