Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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