Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
