So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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