omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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