im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
