so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
