More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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