Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
