The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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