I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
