FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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