someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
