shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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