Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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