The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
did i just pee glitter
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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