I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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