So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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