It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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