i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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