now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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