the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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