I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
