My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
