girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
