Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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