The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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