I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
