i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
