I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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