This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
