Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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