i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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