I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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