You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
