Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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