This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
