don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I puked a lego.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize