Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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