how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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