one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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