Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
