i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize