i need an iv and a liver transplant
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
