So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
