Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
