He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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