hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
